wearingly_dull: (Default)
( Mar. 16th, 2010 11:34 pm)
I had that said to me this last weekend. I was sitting at the beach knitting while my children and their friends played and a long came a friend, sat down beside me and said, "I was planning on doing errands today but I thought to myself, I am going to be boring with you." Yep, if I needed any validation on my boringness I got it right then and there. What can I say? I am a SAHM with three kids. I like boring hobbies like knitting and reading. I am not flashy. I am practical and stable. I don't enjoy trying new things (though I do) so that makes me uninteresting. BUT...

I am a good listener.
I will make you a good plain meal.
I will bake you chocolate chip cookies (from the recipe on the back of the Chipits bag).
I will send you a letter.
I will go to your concerts/plays/birthday parties.

I might be rather boring but I am a good friend - someone for the most part you can rely on.
wearingly_dull: (awkward)
( Mar. 9th, 2010 06:21 pm)
I do feel awkward in life. I feel like I haven't gotten to where I want to be. When I just state the facts I have...I have a wonderful husband, three very good & healthy children. I don't own a home which makes me sad. I don't look the way I want to look. I am still very very quick to anger. I am full of impatience.

I do love my husband and kids and friends.
I do think I supply a comfortable home for them.


I am not at peace.
I am not the person I thought I would be.
I need to work on these things and of course they are the hardest to change.


People do change if they work at it.
I am still feeling like I was on the 14th. I am not entirely sure why. It is not like my life is all that hard. I am just feeling a little weary and would like some support and encouragement. I am a wee bit tired of being the encourager.
wearingly_dull: (not amused)
( Feb. 15th, 2010 07:56 pm)
I am still feeling sorry for myself - yes, some of it is cyclical. The good thing is my house is tidy and tomorrow I am going to flake out and indulge my lazy self. I think I am going to take my wee little son up to Starbucks and we are going to have a lovely sugary drink with a lovely sugary snack. I am going to mail a birthday card and buy some yummy Asian stir fry stuff to eat with dinner and then I am going to come home and FLAKE out and watch all my hard work today turn to mess. God, I hate housework. Really hate housework.
wearingly_dull: (not amused)
( Feb. 11th, 2010 10:07 am)
I am so tired. One of my kids is sick and it is stressing me out. It is an embarrassing malady and I am very stressed about it which is causing me to lose a lot of sleep which is making me sick. I feel really fuzzy and rotten right now. I just wish I would sleep. I know if I got some serious ZZZzzz I would be okay.

I have been reading my blogroll and feeling very inadequate. I feel like I can't even be good at blogging. I feel old, fat, tired and just plain ugly. I feel like I can't bring any beauty into my life. I am not at all a beauty bringer. This depresses me sorely.
I wish that there was a little something about me that set me apart in a significant way OR that I had at least one original thought. I listened to a podcast today and the woman who was speaking was saying exactly what I would like to say. She is doing what I would like to do, being who I would like to be. I feel about as original as a one dollar bill or coin as the case may be. This is really bothering me today. I thought that at least my thoughts were mine but it seems like I share a lot of thinking with this lady who did the podcast. gah.

Just an update on meeting the new friends... It went well. My insecurity showed a little when I was a bit condescending a couple of times. I tried very hard not to be when I noticed that I was. She is a very good artist and very confident person. She seems really nice. I think she felt put on the spot a bit which didn't help that I was a bit condescending. I think she didn't mind our little group but I also think she felt a wee bit left out - not entirely excluded but on the fringes.

An update on the losing weight...I think I am dooming myself to be fat. Yay Me!
wearingly_dull: (regret)
( Feb. 1st, 2010 08:08 am)
Like I mentioned in the previous post I am chubby. I haven't weighed myself since last summer but then I was 165 lbs which makes me quite chubby at 5'4". The weight isn't disgusting but it definitely is not attractive either. So I am going to start to do something about it. Again like I said in my previous post I am in my mid thirties...closer to 40 than 30 and I want to be thinner by my 40th birthday. So I am going to try and lose a pound a week...4 pounds a month and keep it off. So I am going to take a step out of an article I read and focus on THREE things to work on this week.

1. Exercise in the morning. Right now just going to focus on sit ups and leg lifts.
2. No tea in the morning. I love tea with sugar and milk. This is going to be my most difficult.
3. No Food after 8pm. This is left over from my Oprah watching days almost 9 years ago. I do snack a lot while watching TV or surfing the internet.
I actually forgot about this little dreamwidth account. I think I am going to use it to be all emo and cranky and angry and angsty and pitiful more often. I am needing an outlet in the worst way right now. Ha! I am glad I finally remembered. I think the name and the icons are perfect. How brilliant am I for thinking this all up? Very very Brilliant.

I am wearingly dull or perhaps it is wearyingly dull. OH...that isn't spell checked so I obviously am not a great speller. OH RATS! Oh well. Though it is going to bother me so I might end up changing my name.

I am a chubby, glasses wearing brunette, in her mid thirties woman who has a lovely family (three kids & a very nice husband) with many supportive friends and family. I do find in my life that I do not have the outlet to complain...I do but in a very mildish way. I am great at supporting people, encouraging people, helping people. I am a community builder and so there are only a very few people I do whine and complain to and that isn't often and sometimes I don't feel heard or validated because people tend to put people in a box and if I am a Helper how could I need Helping? Or if I do need Helping how can I Help others? See sad mess.

Funny thing is I don't even care that I don't have readers...what is that all about? For my two other blogs I do care. I like being read. This one I don't. I wonder why I just don't write this on paper instead of this silly live journal like website? Who knows? I am a bit of a flasher I guess.

I am grateful for my family & friends. I live a very blessed life. It won't always sound like I am grateful but really I am.
The truth is I am jealous. I figured that out all by myself this week. Aren't you proud of me?

No one ever calls me cool. I am too responsible and up tight to be called cool.

I have a good friend who is absolutely cool and I am honestly ashamed to say I am extremely jealous. I sometimes go over in my head all the things I think I am better at than she is just to make myself feel better but even if my kids are better behaved her naughty kids make her cooler. My home is cleaner than hers but really, her messy house is full of cool things.

My husband says real coolness is just being who you are and not caring what others think....Yeah, I am pretty boring and even if I am not caring what others think (yes, there have been moments) I am still pretty boring. What is it about me that likes boring things? Seriously, when I stumble across a blog of a similar SAHM with similar interests or whatever and I find it so BORING! I think to myself how boring can that woman be and then I see myself and think exactly the same thing.

I do not seem to generate interesting interests. I don't seem to think of fresh ideas. I guess I like my ruts and though I adapt well I don't really like change. How do I change that to become more interesting? Can I change that part of my personality? Do I really want to or do I like being boring and love to complain? (Complaining really is the pinnacle of being boring)

This is my struggle...being resentful & jealous of my very interesting friend because I am very boring and unoriginal.