wearingly_dull: (queen)
( May. 5th, 2010 12:19 am)
I never thought I would be using this little journal to brag about myself but this place has become a place where I can just say whatever I am thinking about myself whether it is good or bad. Whining or Bragging.

I am good at showing up for the most part. I have showed up for a friend even though I would have rather not. Sometimes building a community means not getting to do what I really want to do. I visited someone in the hospital even though I had already done my 'part'.

I make good food and I am open.
wearingly_dull: (awkward)
( Mar. 9th, 2010 06:21 pm)
I do feel awkward in life. I feel like I haven't gotten to where I want to be. When I just state the facts I have...I have a wonderful husband, three very good & healthy children. I don't own a home which makes me sad. I don't look the way I want to look. I am still very very quick to anger. I am full of impatience.

I do love my husband and kids and friends.
I do think I supply a comfortable home for them.


I am not at peace.
I am not the person I thought I would be.
I need to work on these things and of course they are the hardest to change.


People do change if they work at it.
I wish that there was a little something about me that set me apart in a significant way OR that I had at least one original thought. I listened to a podcast today and the woman who was speaking was saying exactly what I would like to say. She is doing what I would like to do, being who I would like to be. I feel about as original as a one dollar bill or coin as the case may be. This is really bothering me today. I thought that at least my thoughts were mine but it seems like I share a lot of thinking with this lady who did the podcast. gah.

Just an update on meeting the new friends... It went well. My insecurity showed a little when I was a bit condescending a couple of times. I tried very hard not to be when I noticed that I was. She is a very good artist and very confident person. She seems really nice. I think she felt put on the spot a bit which didn't help that I was a bit condescending. I think she didn't mind our little group but I also think she felt a wee bit left out - not entirely excluded but on the fringes.

An update on the losing weight...I think I am dooming myself to be fat. Yay Me!
There is this new couple who is entering our little circle of friends. They are in the same business as we are and our two closest couple friends. And DAMN she is an artist. This frustrates me. WHY? Because the other two are artists too (one much better than the other) and now I have three friends who are all arty farty and then there is ME. I am not arty farty. I knit. Yep. I know that is a bit crafty but I am not an artist and it makes me feel a little insecure when I have all these arty friends. You know the difference between homemade and handmade...I am definitely the homemade looking type of person.

One friend is an incredible artist, calligrapher, singer, and choir conductor. The other is more of a dabbler in both art and singing. This new friend is not a dabbler and is quite a good artist. This really sucks for me.



wearingly_dull: (Default)


RSS Atom
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags