wearingly_dull: (queen)
( May. 5th, 2010 12:19 am)
I never thought I would be using this little journal to brag about myself but this place has become a place where I can just say whatever I am thinking about myself whether it is good or bad. Whining or Bragging.

I am good at showing up for the most part. I have showed up for a friend even though I would have rather not. Sometimes building a community means not getting to do what I really want to do. I visited someone in the hospital even though I had already done my 'part'.

I make good food and I am open.
I wish that there was a little something about me that set me apart in a significant way OR that I had at least one original thought. I listened to a podcast today and the woman who was speaking was saying exactly what I would like to say. She is doing what I would like to do, being who I would like to be. I feel about as original as a one dollar bill or coin as the case may be. This is really bothering me today. I thought that at least my thoughts were mine but it seems like I share a lot of thinking with this lady who did the podcast. gah.

Just an update on meeting the new friends... It went well. My insecurity showed a little when I was a bit condescending a couple of times. I tried very hard not to be when I noticed that I was. She is a very good artist and very confident person. She seems really nice. I think she felt put on the spot a bit which didn't help that I was a bit condescending. I think she didn't mind our little group but I also think she felt a wee bit left out - not entirely excluded but on the fringes.

An update on the losing weight...I think I am dooming myself to be fat. Yay Me!
There is this new couple who is entering our little circle of friends. They are in the same business as we are and our two closest couple friends. And DAMN she is an artist. This frustrates me. WHY? Because the other two are artists too (one much better than the other) and now I have three friends who are all arty farty and then there is ME. I am not arty farty. I knit. Yep. I know that is a bit crafty but I am not an artist and it makes me feel a little insecure when I have all these arty friends. You know the difference between homemade and handmade...I am definitely the homemade looking type of person.

One friend is an incredible artist, calligrapher, singer, and choir conductor. The other is more of a dabbler in both art and singing. This new friend is not a dabbler and is quite a good artist. This really sucks for me.

Grrrrr!!
You know, friendship is hard work. This week and last week I have had two annoying experiences with long time friends. One out and out made fun of my hobby and didn't want to hang around when I wanted to share some other friends with her and something that meant a lot to me. The other made me feel rotten for getting her to watch my kids one morning even though I have watched her kids tons of times and when I asked her she was all positive about it but then I saw her semi complaining about it on facebook and if it wasn't complaining it was look at me who does this wonderful thing for my friend. It just irks the heck out of me and it hurts my feelings.

Also I hold a weekly Stitch & Bitch and lately no one has been coming. What is that about? Do I make people uncomfortable?

I think perhaps I am becoming more selfish. I used to think I was a really good friend and really good at friendships but lately I don't feel that way. Maybe I am spreading myself too thin, maybe I am feeling this way because I have too many friends and can't 'be there' for all of them. I don't know but I feel pretty hurt.

I have had two good friend experiences lately too. We were able to be there for some friends and they were appreciative and I had a very good time with my BFF the other day.
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